'Proof' Of BimBam The Space Clown?

Dearest Reader,

Well I'm sorry to thrash this out, but just as an addition to yesterday's rant about Doreen's Watchtower magazine, I did begin reading it (a promise is a promise) and now I believe in God! Nah, do I fuck, I'm just messing with you there. Sorry about that. No, I just wanted to make comments on the first few pages which is as far as I can stomach.

"Does God Really Care About Us?" is the question on the cover and already I object to the presupposition that there is a God in the first place that would care or not care about us. It then goes on to state "If so, why does he permit suffering? Will it ever end?" again, it's a cop out to assume that there is a God allowing or creating, caring or uncaring about the natural shittyness that is inherent in life. If we can PLEASE get over this issue first then, yeah, let's discuss what the great bearded one is fucking about at with all these wars and shite!

As if to answer my query, page four asks "How Can We Know There Is A God?" smear me in spit and lick me dry! It's as if I wrote that question isn't it? (I didn't in case you thought I was serious). Ready for this? Yes, it's the old, tired, argument from design again. It goes like this...

"See that watch? Fucking complicated isn't it? It can't have just assembled itself can it? It must have had a creator? Man! (sorry women watchmakers out there) See the Universe? Now that is fucking amazing isn't it? (Yes, we all agree there) Aha! Well someone really, really, really, fucking clever must have created it! (if the bit about the watch is true) So there! We got you! You have to believe in God now you twat!"

Er, well kids, where shall we start? Let's get the obvious one out of the way first. Let's say that we assume that nothing complicated can just be created by accident or chance, or that nothing that is can simply be unless someone or something consciously created it with intent. Read that last sentence again, we'll be coming back to it - maybe there'll be a test? Let's play along for a while then and ask the obvious next question which is; If this is so, who or what created God? What's that? That 'logic' that you used is not good logic any more? God is the originator? Nothing came before him? He is the prime mover? You sound like you're full of shit to me. Here's the rules, now the rules don't suit me, I shall now change the rules? Please, religious people, fuck off with this argument now, it's getting old, move on, try again with something better eh?

Back to the issue of everything that is complicated has to have been created. Well, let's not cloud the issue here with unnecessary verbiage, everything is complicated when you look closely enough, so let's just say 'everything' in the first place and not be unfair to the bland objects out there like rocks and religious people.

Speaking of rocks, what 'created' a rock when we see, for example, a volcano spew it's lava into the sea? The Volcano created that rock, that plateau, that landmass, those islands. Is it intelligent? Did it create them with intent? Should I be worshipping Volcano Gods? Maybe I should be slitting a virgin's neck to the Great And Holy Puddle Gods? What? It doesn't work like that?

Aah, ok, I see, the Volcano is just a tool! God creates the tool, and the tool creates the stuff. There's a chain, ok, I see. So, just like man creates some cogs and a tiny little spanner, he can make a watch. The cogs and spanner are just tools like the Volcano? Ah, well in that case then forget all that scathing stuff I wrote above, I'm obviously a fuckwitted spatula for not getting that part! But wait, no, hang on a sec, see this finger? It's pointing to a man, a little old fella with half-round glasses on and he's actually holding the cogs and spanner and, yes, wait a second, I'm pretty certain he's a fucking watchmaker? Let me do a test first before I call you a cunt? Yes, he is definitely there, definitely able to make watches. Where's your God with his foot on the Volcono pump? There's not one. You're a cunt. Yes, very fucking droll and stupid, but you lot fucking started it.

Lastly, and I'm sorry to be finicky again, but it is a pretty important issue to be clear on if I'm expected to spend the rest of my life worshipping this creator of yours, but exactly which God actually did all this creating? Just to be sure, how do you know it wasn't Zeus or Appolo again? How would you test that that it wasn't BimBam The Space Clown? I've heard he's done this sort of thing before? Shall I throw in a honourary mention to the Flying Spaghetti Monster too?

So, so far, poor start. You obviously see the importance of 'proving' your God and as I've just explained, you've not actually done it with any satisfaction yet. I know this doesn't actually matter to you people because you have a magical off switch for your brains that you can just flick when the going gets tough in the rationality stakes. I actually fear that when I continue to read this Watchtower magazine beyond these first few pages you will have felt that you've done enough 'proving' and go on (like they all do) to blah-de-blahing about the Bible and all the crap in that and still hold onto this God existing assumption that I won't swallow until you do actually do a proper job.

I think you lot come across more honestly when you just come out and state that proving God is pointless and you shouldn't be fucking doing it anyway because it's all about switching off that side of your brain that might question the fucking ridiculous and just start believing it because lot's of people do and 'lots of people' is more than just 'you' so just shut the fuck up and tow the line. I really think you'll get lots of followers like that?

Hmm, I must tell BimBam this next time we slay a virgin together.

My First Atheistic Rant And Doreen's Watchtower

Dearest, fondest reader,

What better time for my second ever blog to announce to you my atheistic tenancies on the very day the lovely Doreen (a Jehovah's Witness) showed up at my door with a new edition of "The Watchtower" clutched in her gnarly old mitts.

I, out of politeness, allowed Doreen to go into her introductory little skit about how shitty the world is with the poor, the starving, wars and the pending Armageddon looming, and I even allowed her to raise the mood a little with the oh-so-lovely tales of heaven and the wonderful gardens of Eden (blah fucking blah, right?). Eventually, I had to stop her as I could see that we (as usual) were going no where with the conversation. So I explained to her that I am very excited about the prospect of believing in God, Jesus, fairies, unicorns, Thor, and even 'The Force' but first, one of the faithful must hoik me over this massive primary issue of simply believing for belief's sake! It's something these people don't do in hardly any other aspect of their bewildered lives? I mean, why not believe you can fly and jump off a cliff? Believe you are bullet proof and do a tour of Iraq? Even better, believe you are inflammable, drink a gallon of lighter fuel, jump off a cliff in Iraq while smoking a Benson & Hedges (those thing's really will kill you). No, they don't do that, because 'faith' doesn't work like that does it? If there's even the slightest chance that one could prove the sillyness of such a belief then the mystery -- the point would be removed wouldn't it? But take this notion God. Hey, now there is actually no fucking way you could physically 'prove' this guy's existence (short of him actually announcing him/her/itself and until he/her/it does that makes you bullet proof to the projectiles of reason doesn't it?

I absolutely will not go down the route of La-La-Land with any fucking religious believer until we first address this assumption that there even is a God in the first place, and I advise you too to do the same if you want to stand any chance of not wasting a whole day on your doorstep (or even worse - a whole lifetime). Once we establish that this is 'first base' we can happily wag our fingers at all the rest of the shit they talk about and go back to the original point of it all. Faith or Reason.

Ok, if you want to choose faith over reason, go ahead, fill your boots. Personally I think you're a Mormon, sorry, moron. That is your choice and as we'll discuss some other time no doubt, I do at least respect your life choices (*conditions do apply). Indeed, I absolutely invite you to prove to me the existence of your God (or whatever) because I would love to actually get off first base and wonder down the glorious roads of La-La-Land and pop off a few infidels before I do so.

So far, the only sincere attempts of proving truth, are made by scientific, rational, logical human beings who I incidentally believe in absolutely because I can see a few walking past my window, I've touched a few in my time, and sometimes these people do great and heinous things.

Doreen and I have now gone our separate ways, although after handing me her Watchtower magazine she did do a Terminator and say "I'll be back" which was quite unnerving. But I honestly thought I may have done some good after she remarked that I had actually made her think. I was truly flattered. However, she told me that her purpose for thought would be thinking about how she could 'reach me' and make me 'have faith', and this after all I had said.

There's no hope for some people.