My First Atheistic Rant And Doreen's Watchtower

Dearest, fondest reader,

What better time for my second ever blog to announce to you my atheistic tenancies on the very day the lovely Doreen (a Jehovah's Witness) showed up at my door with a new edition of "The Watchtower" clutched in her gnarly old mitts.

I, out of politeness, allowed Doreen to go into her introductory little skit about how shitty the world is with the poor, the starving, wars and the pending Armageddon looming, and I even allowed her to raise the mood a little with the oh-so-lovely tales of heaven and the wonderful gardens of Eden (blah fucking blah, right?). Eventually, I had to stop her as I could see that we (as usual) were going no where with the conversation. So I explained to her that I am very excited about the prospect of believing in God, Jesus, fairies, unicorns, Thor, and even 'The Force' but first, one of the faithful must hoik me over this massive primary issue of simply believing for belief's sake! It's something these people don't do in hardly any other aspect of their bewildered lives? I mean, why not believe you can fly and jump off a cliff? Believe you are bullet proof and do a tour of Iraq? Even better, believe you are inflammable, drink a gallon of lighter fuel, jump off a cliff in Iraq while smoking a Benson & Hedges (those thing's really will kill you). No, they don't do that, because 'faith' doesn't work like that does it? If there's even the slightest chance that one could prove the sillyness of such a belief then the mystery -- the point would be removed wouldn't it? But take this notion God. Hey, now there is actually no fucking way you could physically 'prove' this guy's existence (short of him actually announcing him/her/itself and until he/her/it does that makes you bullet proof to the projectiles of reason doesn't it?

I absolutely will not go down the route of La-La-Land with any fucking religious believer until we first address this assumption that there even is a God in the first place, and I advise you too to do the same if you want to stand any chance of not wasting a whole day on your doorstep (or even worse - a whole lifetime). Once we establish that this is 'first base' we can happily wag our fingers at all the rest of the shit they talk about and go back to the original point of it all. Faith or Reason.

Ok, if you want to choose faith over reason, go ahead, fill your boots. Personally I think you're a Mormon, sorry, moron. That is your choice and as we'll discuss some other time no doubt, I do at least respect your life choices (*conditions do apply). Indeed, I absolutely invite you to prove to me the existence of your God (or whatever) because I would love to actually get off first base and wonder down the glorious roads of La-La-Land and pop off a few infidels before I do so.

So far, the only sincere attempts of proving truth, are made by scientific, rational, logical human beings who I incidentally believe in absolutely because I can see a few walking past my window, I've touched a few in my time, and sometimes these people do great and heinous things.

Doreen and I have now gone our separate ways, although after handing me her Watchtower magazine she did do a Terminator and say "I'll be back" which was quite unnerving. But I honestly thought I may have done some good after she remarked that I had actually made her think. I was truly flattered. However, she told me that her purpose for thought would be thinking about how she could 'reach me' and make me 'have faith', and this after all I had said.

There's no hope for some people.